Making art under the influence of old age

Artist book page by Judith Hoffman with lots of squiggly lines, showing what a shaky hand can do.

I originally started this post to be about aging and making art. There are physical limitations that creep in. But it also became some musings on aging and how I try to accept that.

Much to my surprise, I turned 80 this year. Even after seeing my parents and in-laws age and die, I'm surprised at how hard it is. Of course I have medical things to deal with, but the physical slowing down is what gets to me. I am not very bothered by my wrinkles and sagginess. After all, I am lucky to be alive, to have a home and food, and to have family and friends who love me. And lucky to be able to work on projects that are engaging. But the lessening energy, the physical struggles, are disheartening.

I have had a tremor in my hands for years, it's getting worse. I'm left handed and the left hand tremor is more pronounced than the right. Sometimes when I draw my lines are wavy. It can be frustrating. I try to regard the wavy line as a feature. At times it can blend in well with my drawing style, which is somewhat loose. Warming up helps, finding the right posture helps. Using scissors to cut out things has also become harder. With small things I cut right handed and brace my right hand against my left as I cut. It's much harder to cleanly cut larger things, where my hands can't brace against each other. I think getting tired makes the tremors worse. (My doctor says there is no physical ailment, it's just age.)

Detail from drawing showing squiggly lines produced by shaky hand. It's a consequence of getting old. They don't always work for me, but here they do. 

I have less energy than I used to. I have always been slow to complete projects, now my books evolve at a snail's pace. In part because they are more complicated, but I also don't get in the studio as much. Many household tasks are ignored. I sometimes lose interest in an art project before it's finished. I am, as always, easily distracted, often more interested in doing something new than repeating what I did last month. It does help to try to make small progress on a project, just a little drawing in a background can re-ignite my interest in the pages I am trying to complete. There are tricks that most artists know,  spending time cleaning in my studio. And spending time with tools and materials, even if it's just to doodle. It also helps to make collage papers, or to cut out things I might use in collage.

I must say, the process of drawing and collaging is still as alluring as ever. Once I start I am engrossed for several hours and end up feeling so rewarded.

As I have aged my priorities have changed. I care more than ever about the process and less about showing the books. Some people want to leave a mark before they die, but that's not me. I would like to have some of my books in public collections, but haven't pursued that much. And I feel that when I'm dead I won't really care anymore. If I spend more time making things and less on entering shows, that's the best way to spend my time. I want to enjoy my life now. 

Page from an artist book in progress by Judith Hoffman.

My dad used to say "it could be worse" whenever he mentioned his physical ailments. Meaning he could be dead. I think of him often, and agree completely. 

"... as we move through our lives, the way our bodies change, and ultimately death, can be our teacher. Forgiving our bodies - for dying, for aging, for becoming sick - can feel impossible, even radical, but it's essential if we want to fully appreciate the time we have. We can love our lives, even while knowing that one day they will end." Martine Panzica, from Lion's Roar, November 2025.

Happy Holidays to you all. I hope you will be content with life and feel productive in the coming year.

Judy

Fixing a big mistake

I mostly like this page, but the arm of the woman behind the large hand is bothering me.

For all the wonky drawings that I accept as fine, this one was not fine. I spent 3 weeks thinking about what to do (and working on other pages). I could just glue more eco dyed paper over the part I didn't like, but it would stand out as being glued on.

Drawing over the arm with white ink made a mess, but it did lighten those lines.

I made a stencil and printed a thin coat of pale titan buff on the areas that were bothering me.

Then I glued coffee splattered abaca paper on the offending area.

A new arm is collaged on. Maybe it's too short? I think his arm and shirt need a pattern.

Sometimes this looks okay, sometimes I am not happy with it. I'll put it away for a while.
 

Here I have extended the aura around his neck. I also added shrubs and another arm for the woman. I feel the sleeve needs something. Check out this recent post Jane Davies recently did about a change she made in one of her paintings. She has a very good attitude toward making changes, and she is skilled at it. I agonized over every step here, feeling bad that I had made this mistake. I need to take Jane's approach. And if I can make mistakes and correct them I will feel more okay with experimenting.

 

How many unfinished projects do you have?

Unfinished artist's books. Titled "Heaven, Hell My Sketchbook" and "Egypt" by Judith Hoffman

A friend is doing some kind of finishing projects challenge. She has talked about it several times and we decided to each bring an unfinished project to our next zoom meeting. I have been cleaning so I put the ones I could easily find on my work table, side by side. There are at least these 6, and possibly many more, depending on how you count. Some must be at least 15 years old. I have one somewhere that goes back to the late 80's, luckily I'm not sure where it is. I started taking photos of some, thinking maybe a different view would help me decide. Or I might even decide to toss it. It can be healthy to let go of that old stuff, right?

The two above are still interesting to me. They pose painting problems. I'm not really a painter so I have doubts and tend to fumble around as I work, but I am happy with most of my progress so far. 

"Heaven, Hell, my Sketchbook" A favorite pair of pages.

Just after I wrote the last paragraph I listened to a Learning to Paint podcast with Jane Davies as the interviewee. She says she never forces herself to finish something. She feels it will look forced. I am thinking about that - is it worth the anguish? Using the word "anguish" doesn't make it seem desirable. Maybe I have gotten enough out of those projects already. I did learn stuff,  it was probably a step forward in some way. By the way, I highly recommend that podcast. The one with Jane Davies is very good. Many of the others are interesting.

Egypt an unfinished artist's book by Judith Hoffman. I like the folding lawn chair. I just might be seeing a red theme here.

A group of handmade journals I haven't worked in.

This group is journals, intended to be for fooling around, not finished art. Two are made from scrap papers, some pages were the paper on my table that I wiped brushes on, or scribbled on to get things going. One has small amounts of paint or collage to break up the white. One is blank. So they do present a different aspect. I don't have to finish every page, I can skip around and just play. They are intended for fun and experimentation. But I made them around three years ago and haven't worked in them since. Should I push myself a little?

These mostly white pages would be easy to draw in.

Some interiors are old scrap papers used for testing paint or to cover my work area. They will be harder to work with. This is the only page I have done anything with. 

I also have at least 10 stacks of prepared pages, intended to be books. Some have been eco-dyed, some are painted, some have a little collage on them. Or all of the above. I have some cut out collage material and one finished page for a book. And several models for a pop-up book that isn't right. I'm sure there is more, but I don't want to look deeper. I did end up throwing one project away - it's so old and different from how I work now I can't possibly start it up again. And it did feel good.

Do you have many unfinished projects? What is your relationship with them? Do you still love them and want to get back to them? Or are you hiding them in the closet, hoping they will fall through a hole in the floor?

It's spring here and very beautiful. As always, stay as well as you can, be as happy as you can. 

What to do - I love glue

5 x 7 postcard. Blind contour, drawing, collage. Judith Hoffman

Well, it's more like "I love PVA." I have been trying to make collages on postcard size pieces of paper. The paper tends to curl. I'm using both 90 pound papers and 300 pound papers as substrates, both coated on two sides with Matte medium. Next I collage on some background papers for texture and interest, using PVA. These are not coated before collaging. My blind contour drawings go on top of the "texture" papers. They are on tracing paper because it's pretty transparent. The tracing paper shrinks a lot when glued down, so I coat it with matte medium on both sides, allow to dry, then glue it down with more matte medium. Neither substrate stays flat. Although I think things are improved by coating both sides of the papers. My process is intuitive, and I try to be fairly fast. I don't really want to plan every step, coat all the papers and then wait for them to dry before doing the collage.

5 x 7 postcard. Blind Contour drawing, collage. Judith Hoffman

There is a method, invented by Jonathan Talbot, where you coat all your papers with gloss medium and them iron them together. I have tried it, and it works perfectly. It even works with matte medium. It's almost too perfect. You have to have a plan, coat all papers, then iron everything in place. I am resisting that at the moment. I hate ironing and planning and really like the glue process. 

Transfer test, using Talbot transfer paper

I am also experimenting with transfers, thinking I could use that method instead of the drawings on tracing papers. Above is the first test - I drew on the Talbot transfer paper, ironed it to an old book page and after wetting the page, I rubbed off the transfer paper. I think this would work okay with a stronger substrate. But again it's not a fun process. If the whole collage was sealed with matte medium, I think this would work okay. The rubbing is tedious, although the Talbot paper comes off pretty easily. I wonder why I think this is supposed to be fun? I do also like the warm yellowish tones of the tracing paper. They show a little in both the postcards above.

Work table testing zone

And finally a shot of my work table. It's just a big sheet of 4 by 8 plywood on shelves so I cover it with this old yellow paper I got very cheap years ago. It's the perfect surface to test whatever I am about to draw with.

Year End Slump or Vacation?

I have not been blogging, or getting much done, for the last month. There were four or five days of ophthalmic migraines that set me back, a lot more than I usually have.

I started a Christmas card (above) in the middle of November, but didn't finish it until around the 10th of December. I enjoy making them, but every year I think "that's the last." I like the process at first, but when I have to make a bunch I get tired of repeating myself. The card is three layers, a kind of pop-up tunnel book. It mails flat. A friend recently said to me "we enjoyed making you and Jim 3-d." I loved that.

(photo above - the book I am currently working on. This is the title page, the book is about 20 inches wide open, and maybe four inches tall. It will be one-of-a-kind, probably never sold. It's called "A Child's Introduction to the Wonders of Space" and features parts of an old book my brother-in-law had as a kid. It was a well-loved book, he drew in it at different stages in his early life. )

Also since the middle of December, I have been feeling like every day is Saturday. It's the old holiday problem, my schedule has changed drastically. In a way I enjoy it, it is nice to laze about the house for a whole day. I have been mostly sticking with my walking schedule, that's good. But I thought I would have a bunch of free time and could make significant progress on my current project. Instead I have only spent 3 or 4 days on it in the last month. Our family Christmas dinner will happen tomorrow (Sunday). And then of course there is New Years, which means more disruption. However, I am thinking the new year will bring a better schedule.

(photo above - same book - I'm trying to solve a problem here. I don't like the composition of this page - it's actually a two page spread, you can't seem much of the left page. I need something that makes a better transition between the two pages. The blue figure isn't glued down. I will try a number of different things here.)

Luckily I don't go out a lot, I have become more and more of a hermit as I age. I do see friends as much as possible, and of course Jim is good company. But noisy parties and big events have never appealed to me. Now I figure I just don't have to do the social stuff that I don't enjoy.

(photo above - I guess I just like photos of my messy workspace. I think I have an inner teenager who doesn't like to clean her room. Progress does get made and it's helpful to have a bunch of options in my line of sight.)

I don't usually make New Years resolutions, they seem to fizzle out with a feeling of defeat by the end of January. But this year I am resolving to spend more time in the studio. I assume that's the most often made resolution for all artists. More time is all I want. I read an article recently saying "don't give up if you don't succeed at first." Good advice, it can take time to readjust to a new habit. Hopefully by spring I will be in a groove.

This post may sound negative, but I have actually been in a good mood for this time of year. And so I hope you have all had a good holiday and will have a spectacular New Year. Thank you for reading my blog. I do appreciate you all.

Time spent on the glowing box

Above: Stolen Shadows, finished earlier this year. The paper is eco dyed watercolor paper. Pen and ink drawing.

I have been trying to keep my nose to the grindstone, working in my studio as often as I can, so not taking the time to blog. This past week I had a cold, so spent more time on the computer. Instead of blogging, which was my plan, I started a new website.

I tried WordPress earlier this year and something about the interface made me crazy. The main problem is that there are frequent updates. If I rely on a plug-in for a gallery, which is essential if you have lots of images, it may not be updated when the main part of the program is. Or even ever. Obviously I am not up to speed on the terminology, but I hope you get the gist. The second problem is that I made a website years ago with GoLive, (a wysiwyg program), so the switch to a different kind of interface in WordPress seemed so unintuitive. Friends have asked me to let them know how I liked WordPress, so I have to say two thumbs down. I know it's the best solution for many people, and I love people's blogs. However, I can read html and sort of get it. So I have moved to DreamWeaver. It's pretty easy, you create a file, start making modifications and build it up. My biggest problem is that I don't remember how I did stuff two years later. It has taken me this past week to refresh my memory. Now I'm starting to do the actual work.

I also feel much better, so I need to be in the studio again. I am currently working on a book based on the Golden Book of Astronomy that my brother-in-law had as a kid. He drew and scribbled in it and I love all the marks.

Working on a new book

This is probably the last page I need to complete in my new artist's book. I need to make the cover, sew it together and make a box. So I suppose I am half done. I am still mulling over the title. The materials are eco dyed Bagasse paper (discontinued), collage, acrylic paint, pen and ink. The two sketches are printed on tissue paper, collaged down with matte medium to make them very secure.

Snow Dance

As part of my experiments with intuitive drawing, I have been playing with a procedural drawing web page called Harmony. It works on my iPad and my Mac, I think it will work on any device or computer. Below is a screen I produced in Harmony.


It looks like, and is, a bunch of scribbles. But when I stare at it, I start to see interesting things.

I imported it into Procreate and started defining the shapes I liked. Above is an early stage - I selected the things I liked and moved them around to suit.

Above is the drawing, almost completed. I am posting it now because the title is "Snow Dance." It's a dance to attract the attention of the snow gods. We have a storm approaching that at first was forecast to give us around 6 inches of snow, but it has been downgraded to very little snow, interspersed with lots of rain. I do love snow and was hoping for one good storm this year.

Did I say that? Can I take it back?

Above: 1985 - Book with no beginning or end.

Years ago when I was a student, second time around, in my late 30's - I had to give a talk to the art department. I had recently started doing a lot of collage. Small things that eventually became books. I was struggling to explain the appeal of collage. Someone in the audience said "of course collage is fast." I agreed! What? Wait! Even later that day I regretted agreeing. The person who said collage was fast was a sculptor, I don't know if he had collage experience or not. I suppose if you need a car and don't want to spend time drawing one, collage might be faster. Especially if you have some car magazines around.

But every time I work on a project, papers spread all over my studio, searching for just the right little bit to put in the corner, I deeply regret saying collage is fast. The first studio shot is maps I'm auditioning for a book I'm working on. I had to spread them all out to compare.

More bits of maps and other things I may need to add.

And the most important small bits are right in front of my work area.

Collage is not fast, in fact it can seem very slow. I do it because I love those bits of paper. So many things pass thru our lives, so many go into the recycle bin and are forgotten. But they are each interesting and have some kind of history and a message to convey.

It is also physically satisfying to take bits of paper and stick them down. As they come together in odd ways, they take on new meanings, one that feels very personal to me.

Above: 2007 - Purple Mountain Observatory

I still struggle to convey my feelings about collage - when I am doing it I am absorbed and happy. Maybe that's the most important part.

Do you have regrets about something you said about your art in the past? Or maybe you have changed how you see some aspect of your work?

Above: 2005 - The Findings of the Expedition to an Unknown Land

What Should I Do Next?

This week I have been cleaning up in my studio. Not that it's ready for visitors, but I can see the table. I realized I have a number of unfinished projects and need to be making progress on some of them. I lined up some of them, hoping that seeing them on the table would inspire me to pick a few to complete. The first two were easy - I needed to sew up a dream journal and a notebook to use for lists and notes to myself. Those are done. The others will be harder. I am trying to rank them: Mature or almost done. Established; these need work to become full fledged ideas, but some of that work has been done. Hopefully they are putting down roots and I can't see the progress yet. The last group is Seedlings; little bitty barely begun things that may or may not ever come to completion. The seedlings in my neglected garden have more of a chance of survival than these piles of paper do.

In the image above there is one Mature project, second from the left, front row. It's a book that needs three more drawings, a cover, and a little text for each image. I am working very slowly on the text, which is the hard part for me. I hope to glean it from my dream journals. The stack of pages on the left are probably Established, but there are really three books there, each needs to have the text refined and to have drawings or some other kind of illustration. I don't know where I'm going with these ideas but they have potential. The pile of books in the back row, with a shoe box on top (holding collage parts) and a torn collage on top is definitely Established, but needs a lot of work. It's also the project that calls to me the most right now. In the front row, number three from the left is a pile of eco-dyed papers that are probably too fragile to bind, but I have been drawing on them in idle moments. The fragility is a big part of the appeal. The pile of red pages on the right were a project I was excited about, I have parts of one collage started, but now I don't remember where I thought I would go with this. That one is probably a Seedling. In the very back, upper right are some more eco dyed papers I thought I could use in books, but they have no ideas attached - Seedlings for sure.

In this image there is a shill in the back right - there are notes and some printouts that just need to be gathered together somehow. It will be easy to do and it's there to give me something easy when I get frustrated. In front the orange spotty pages on the right are for a collage book but I have no idea what the topic will be. Definitely a seedling, but I love the pages. On the left is an open manila folder that holds some mock-ups for a pop-up book. I am intimidated by that one - I haven't done a pop-up and I'm not sure the topic is right for the technique. I'm being coy and not showing you any part of it because I need to have some progress on it first. I think I need to make a few more mock-up pages, and one that is complete.

As I write this I realize I am taking an on-line class in mark-making. I have tried one technique from last Monday, there is another I want to try tomorrow. And in two days we will get another lesson with more things to try. So things will be going slower than I was imagining. I think I have a time-management issue for one thing.

How do you get yourself going on old projects? How do you keep from having this kind of pile up in your studio? Maybe most people are more disciplined than I am.

Oops - IFJM becomes Hatching Explorations

I wanted to participate in Roz Stendahl's International Fake Journal Month. If you aren't familiar with IFJM - the idea is to describe to yourself an alternate persona and to journal every day in April as that person. The point, in part, is to side step your internal critic, also to improve or expand in some area. There is a lot of detail at the link. I tore my paper into signatures, planning to do as many as I could and then bind the book at the end of the month. On the first of April I was busy and it slipped my mind. But on the 3rd I started drawing. My plan was to explore hatching, get more content into my drawings, and to include more text on my pages. I didn't have an identity as a different person, but thought one would occur to me as I went along. As the month went by, I wanted to draw in my journal, didn't really think as someone else, did all kinds of hatching experiments. The journal became Hatching Explorations. I guess the persona was me, so it's not really a Fake Journal project. I'm showing a part of my journal. I did include many failures and experiments and some doodley pages. I believe they are important to the process. At the end of this post I will evaluate the project. Images below will enlarge.

Beginning - I was just fooling around, looking at hatching styles, testing pens.

Some inspiration - Mark H. Adams is on Flickr, he posts his work and a lot of photos of himself. Trying to imitate someone else is a good way to learn - almost nothing is as easy as it looks.

Laura Hernandez is on the Sktchy app. I am trying to draw in the style (sort of) of people whose hatching I admire. I'm not showing all those pages - they aren't very interesting. I also looked at Henrik Drescher's drawings and an outsider artist named Foma Jaremtschuk.

Two sketches of Orville from the Sktchy app.

Two sketches of my Dad - from photos.

My Mom on the left and me - from an old photo a friend took. I am mostly doing family members, it's part of a long term possible project.

Two more from photos on Sktchy. I particularly like the one on the right - the wavy lines work well here, he was sitting in a car in the rain when he took the photo. I tried wavy lines again later on a photo of my dad, but it looked like a serious skin condition.

A ballpoint pen experiment. I do like this in many ways.

On the left the wavey lines combined with straight lines are not successful. I do like the one on the right - drawn from an old family photo. I wanted some kind of idiosyncratic hatching. But then I had doubts about it.

My dad again on the left, and at last - a live model! Jim taking a nap.

At this point I am feeling a lot of anxiety over some of the drawings - are they too mannered? Is this what I want? I decide I am over thinking things and do a sketch of a PeeWee Herman doll (from Sktchy) just for fun. Have Fun! Really, it's not that serious.

A very quick sketch, this guy had such a charming face. Again from Sktchy.

And back to the more mannered style of hatching. Outlining the shadow areas sometimes seems too artificial, sometimes I like it very much.

This one struck me as awful when I finished it, but now I do like the eye area. I often end up with a chain link fence effect on chins. I need to monitor myself carefully on chins and noses. Danger Zones!

Back to emulating someone else - trying to imitate Laura Hernandez (from Sktchy) on the left. Jim, my son and I were vacationing on the coast for a few days and maybe I was more relaxed. Which also explains the salt shaker and pine cone on the right - while I had two potential live models, they were getting touchy about me taking photos, I didn't want to press my luck by trying to draw them. It's okay, they are both supportive, and I do understand how tiresome it is to have someone scrutinizing you a lot.

I try the slow build-up of lines again. The lighting was beautiful in this photo, from Sktchy. But I realize I'm not going to spend hours on a sketch. I am too impatient for that. Still I like the lines and love drawing with a pen. So I need a compromise.

Me again - from an old photo. Nearing the end of the month and wondering what I have learned from all this.

My wrap up: I didn't draw with another person's profile. I just started practicing hatching, trying out various approaches. I did realize I can improve with daily practice over the course of a month. I was impressed that I ended up with 31 two page spreads. I was able to stick with this for a month because I was really enjoying what I was doing. I also was surprised at how much progress I made in a month. It pays to chip away at things. I don't pick things up quickly and don't feel I have much natural ability. So there is always a learning curve. But time spent does pay off.

My goals were to improve hatching, find a style I like and incorporate content. I certainly did learn more about hatching. And about my preferences. I do like Andrew Parrish's hatching where he combines outlining with some hatch marks. And I admire Laura Hernandez's hatching. Andrew's is pretty quick, but can look too mannered in my hand. Maybe I can improve that. Laura's looks classical but takes a lot more time. Maybe that could be loosened up some to go faster. Going forward I will try more hatching and try combining hatching with ink washes. I want to use a technique that will work in an artist's book - something that can stand up to some page turning and handling. I also want to work on adding some content, something that didn't happen in April.

Here are some things I already knew about myself, and things I learned in the last month: In general I don't respond well to a regimen dictated by some outside source - either prompts or something like "draw a face every day." But somehow this project worked for me - maybe because I was trying to not judge what I was doing. And not showing many of the drawings to people. A few did go on Sktchy. However I do find it's best for me to keep things private until they are done. I believe one should keep mistakes in sketchbooks. And allow plenty of mistakes to happen. Also doodles, fooling around, all kinds of random things are good - some interesting things come out of them. I will certainly do some kind of "fake" journal again next year, although I didn't really work inside the guidelines this year. Maybe next year that will happen.